Turquoise Moments

Need space to think…time to play?

2010-09-06T16:42:00.000+01:00

I recently worked with a business owner who was reflecting on his family holiday and said “There came a time, towards the end of the second week when I completely let go and suddenly everything was back in perspective”. He returned to work with a clear head about priorities, filled with a fire in his belly and expecting that his business partner can experience the same on his forthcoming holiday.

Not everyone has the luxury of a holiday to step back and get a fresh perspective on their business. What about the two million businesses in the UK with no employee to share the load? Yet a short session with a coach can leave you feeling able to achieve more with less time and effort. As a coach, I work with small business owners as well as corporate execs to find clarity and motivation, especially at times when taking a holiday isn’t feasible. If you could benefit from some space to think then contact me for a coaching session.

Holidays provide more than a break, they allow real playtime for us grown ups as well as the kids. Yet why should playtime we something we regularly miss out on? Here’s a thought to check the quality of your working life. ‘Am I getting enough playtime?’ When you look in your diary and identify the breaks, ask yourself: ‘Where is the real fun here?’ How much time out do you get that is not task-focused? Are you happy with what you see in your schedule? Have the hours devoted to work crept up on you or become so intense that there is no downtime?

Block your playtime in your diary and keep it sacred: just like it was at school. Start with 15 minutes a day, twice a day, every day at a time that fits your schedule.

Live Life. Love Work: Book Extract

2010-08-30T17:05:00.000+01:00

This is a book for real people with real lives: people like you and me who actually need to earn a living and also want a great life. It came about because I dreamt of escaping to a beach house where life would be idyllic, and then work up to see that wouldn’t be so much fun. The escape plan missed the point.

What became more attractive was to live a rich and full life that included mental challenge and interesting work, the friendship of colleagues, the satisfaction of making a contribution to others’ lives. At the same time, to live this life and love work in a calm, healthy and sustainable way, having fun and spending time with those who matter.

The heart of this book explores the question: ‘How do we stay sane, healthy and optimistic without chucking in our jobs, selling up our businesses, leaving friends and family to head to the beach, the mountains or the other side of the world?’ The answers are not always simple, nor do they lie in one-off choice. Instead getting to a place of satisfaction with life is a continual process of gathering information, making decisions, choosing a direction to follow and taking action as the world around us changes.

To read the customer reviews or buy the book, visit www.kateburton.co.uk

What a fantastic summer...

2010-08-23T16:46:00.000+01:00

...we’ve had so far and I hope this finds you well. A couple of years ago, a coaching friend invited me to consider what I wanted more of in my work and, slightly tongue in cheek, I answered that I’d love to work in amazing places – in the mountains, by the sea or outdoor spaces with great views. That’s happening more and more for me. So I feel exceptionally blessed to have come back from two weeks in Italy where part of that trip was co-leading a group retreat in the mountains of Abruzzo, part was working on my next book, and part was pure holiday. Lakes, mountains, great people and blue skies proved a compelling combination which I can recommend wholeheartedly.

Just now, I’m enjoying early morning views of the garden as I write my fifth book, ‘Coaching with NLP for Dummies’ to be published next year. Researching and writing it has brought extra benefits that I’m able to pay forward to others. I’ve found new strategies to keep focused avoiding my natural procrastination and also re-discovered coaching tools and concepts I’d forgotten all about, which re-new my work with clients.

I hope that you’ll give yourself quality time out over the summer to consider if there’s something more you’d like in your life. Do let me know if I can support you on that quest.

All good wishes

Kate Burton

An afternoon to re-focus, re-energise and relax

2010-08-16T16:38:00.000+01:00

How do you stay healthy in mind and body? The Clear Mind, Clear Body workshops in Sandhurst, Berkshire with Kate and Bob Burton offer a friendly Saturday afternoon with like-minded people who enjoy the mix of gentle yoga stretching and breathing, creativity and coaching exercises plus guided visualisations and relaxation.

We all have times when we get a bit 'wobbly'. So our theme for this session is 'Questions of Confidence,' and will include material from Kate's best selling 'Building Self-Confidence for Dummies.'

Places are limited by space and priced at just £49.99 per workshop or £74.99 for two people. Here's what a few people have said about recent sessions:

''I loved the exercise where we looked back on 2010 and reflected on where we wanted to be...what a wonderful, positive, relaxing way to spend a Saturday afternoon.''

Fiona Grant, Nutritionist.

“I was delighted to be able to make the last one that they ran on ‘Letting Go’ - it was a fantastic way to rejuvenate the mind and body. Bob runs the yoga session while Kate facilitated the creative part ..very gentle and at the same time extremely useful.” Eleanor Yearwood, Managing Director.

Join us for the next session if you like to find ways to stay healthy – in a comfortable and relaxed setting. Each workshop brings fresh new content. Just bring yourself with comfortable and loose clothing. Mats are provided as well as refreshments.

Gentle yoga stretching and breathing
Creativity and coaching exercises
Guided visualisation and relaxation

For further information, mail kate@kateburton.co.uk or click here to book now

The Four Aims of Life

2010-05-10T10:37:00.008+01:00

On Saturday Bob and I ran one of our Clear Mind, Clear Body sessions in Sandhurst, Berkshire on 'Letting Go.' Here are some ideas we offered on the yoga mat and the blank writing page from the teachings of the ancient Purusharthas which provide guidance on the four aims of life – dharma, kama, artha and moksha. Mail me if you're interested in hearing about our next events.

If things seem out of kilter, you may like to explore which of these four is extending a stronger or lesser influence on your life right now. Do you need a bit more kama right now if you’ve overdosed on dharma? Or less kama to increase the artha? Just play with them.

Dharma is about duty and ethics, having the strength to get up each day and do what needs to be done. It relates to responsibility to serve yourself and society. Some questions to ask yourself include:

What is my role in the world?
What are my obligations?
Which ones feel right?
When I am serving the highest good, what am I doing?
Am I on a path for good?
How can I best serve the world around me?
What would Martin Luther King or Mother Teresa do?

Kama is about pleasure taking in all the senses.
The desire for pleasure drives all human behaviour. To practice kama yogically means to practice being fully present with whatever you're experiencing. Some questions to ask yourself include:
What am I passionate about?
What gives me pleasure?
Am I enjoying my life? What do I care about?
What do I most desire?
Am I hooked on anything?
Are my pleasures leading me toward or away from my life's purpose?

Artha is about enjoying prosperity and wealth (without greed). This is the material comfort you need to live in the world with ease; that which supports your life's mission. Some questions to ask yourself include:

What do I see as truly valuable?
Knowing my dharma, what do I need to play my role in the world?
Where do I place value?
Do I have enough?
Are my things making me happy, or are they stealing my joy?
Am I afraid of having more?
Am I afraid of not having more? What does wealth mean to me besides money?

Moksha is about freedom and liberation, enjoying freedom from suffering and the freedom to express your own creativity. You are as free as you experience yourself to be. Some questions to ask yourself include:

What am I doing to free myself from activities and perceptions that make me unhappy?
How can I not get caught in my emotions?
What do I choose to bind myself to?
Do I feel trapped?
Can I be free from blaming myself and others?
How can I make my mind free?

Start the week

2010-03-23T17:58:00.008Z

On Monday morning I joined the commuters into town; the first early trip to London for some months. Grey faces, grey suits and an air of weariness prevailed around me - where's their energy gone? A young mother got into the train compartment, struggling with buggy and an attempt to feed her baby while standing up. I felt my indignation rise as I gave her my seat and surveyed the blanked out Blackberry men hell bent on avoiding connecting. Maybe they're in desperate need to cushion their bodies against their daily schedule, so I let them be.

Along the bank of the Thames my day felt joyful with the sense: 'Yippee, it's Monday.' I met with colleagues who've become friends, people I trust implicitly whose company I love, and the whole day felt free and spacious. This 'yippee' mindset feels so light and easy as I choose my own agenda, own my time, my space, my life. When I do what my own book suggests I Live Life. Love Work.

Where’s the adventure?

2010-02-14T20:39:00.005Z

To live life to its full involves bringing a sense of adventure into the everyday; of taking ourselves to the edge of our self-confidence. It’s the place that Joseph Campbell calls “Crossing the Threshold” on the Hero’s Journey (see chapter 3 of my book Building Self-Confidence for Dummies). From this point we can choose to move forward into the unknown or sit around allowing life to happen to us.

But you don’t need to climb thousands of feet in the Himalayas or sky-dive to have an adventure. Adventure simply takes focus and determination, qualities that we can bring to everyday projects and relationships. It begins with that simple intention to step over the invisible threshold and engage with what’s there with a sense of curiosity, letting go of our self-consciousness on the way.

Last month I ran a weekend workshop with my husband, Bob (pictured here with a couple of dophin friends!) Called ‘Clear Mind. Clear Body,’ we created a space for self-exploration that combined our respective interests in yoga and writing. We booked the date, hired a venue, sent out invitations, planned a series of activities to stretch mind and body, cooked up healthy food and loaded the car with yoga mats and writing pads. A small expedition in deepest Berkshire here in the UK.

(The next one is on 8th May, contact me if you're interested.)

As in the classic Kevin Costner film ‘Field of Dreams’ when you create the space, people come. On the way to the workshop I felt the butterflies dancing in my stomach saying: ‘Why am I doing this?’ On the way home, with a deep sense of contentment, I remembered why. Our guests had fun and left with a renewed sense of calm and focus in their busy lives. The event centred, not on our fears, but on our confidence that we could contribute something that others found valuable.

Our small Berkshire adventure into the unknown became an adventure for others to discover what they’d like their lives to be like this year. Such is the ripple effect.

At its heart, confidence is an adventurous act, a willingness to commit to an uncertain outcome with an open heart and open mind. In this sense opportunities to be adventurous present themselves to us every day. Walking a new route to the shops, trying a new food for lunch, signing up for a class you’ve never taken before, volunteering your time for a charity, introducing yourself to someone new at work or talking to a stranger in a café. One small adventure builds on the next; this is how confidence grows.

Life is uncertain, accepting it and seeing this inbuilt uncertainty as the doorway to new possibilities lies at the heart of the adventure. So often, we are the barrier that gets in our own way. I invite you to look for new small adventures in the everyday of your life. Keep a diary for a month of the small things you’ve done that take you over that threshold. Have fun and let me know how you get on.

Thaw begins on 1st March

2010-02-08T22:43:00.007Z

Ruth's diary is the new novel by my friend Fiona Robyn, called Thaw. She has decided to blog the novel in its entirety over the next few months, so you can read it for free.

Ruth's first entry is below, and you can continue reading tomorrow here.

These hands are ninety-three years old. They belong to Charlotte Marie Bradley Miller. She was so frail that her grand-daughter had to carry her onto the set to take this photo. It’s a close-up. Her emaciated arms emerge from the top corners of the photo and the background is black, maybe velvet, as if we’re being protected from seeing the strings. One wrist rests on the other, and her fingers hang loose, close together, a pair of folded wings. And you can see her insides.The bones of her knuckles bulge out of the skin, which sags like plastic that has melted in the sun and is dripping off her, wrinkling and folding. Her veins look as though they’re stuck to the outside of her hands. They’re a colour that’s difficult to describe: blue, but also silver, green; her blood runs through them, close to the surface. The book says she died shortly after they took this picture. Did she even get to see it? Maybe it was the last beautiful thing she left in the world.I’m trying to decide whether or not I want to carry on living. I’m giving myself three months of this journal to decide. You might think that sounds melodramatic, but I don’t think I’m alone in wondering whether it’s all worth it. I’ve seen the look in people’s eyes. Stiff suits travelling to work, morning after morning, on the cramped and humid tube. Tarted-up girls and gangs of boys reeking of aftershave, reeling on the pavements on a Friday night, trying to mop up the dreariness of their week with one desperate, fake-happy night. I’ve heard the weary grief in my dad’s voice.So where do I start with all this? What do you want to know about me? I’m Ruth White, thirty-two years old, going on a hundred. I live alone with no boyfriend and no cat in a tiny flat in central London. In fact, I had a non-relationship with a man at work, Dan, for seven years. I’m sitting in my bedroom-cum-living room right now, looking up every so often at the thin rain slanting across a flat grey sky. I work in a city hospital lab as a microbiologist. My dad is an accountant and lives with his sensible second wife Julie, in a sensible second home. Mother finished dying when I was fourteen, three years after her first diagnosis. What else? What else is there?Charlotte Marie Bradley Miller. I looked at her hands for twelve minutes. It was odd describing what I was seeing in words. Usually the picture just sits inside my head and I swish it around like tasting wine. I have huge books all over my flat — books you have to take in both hands to lift. I’ve had the photo habit for years. Mother bought me my first book, black and white landscapes by Ansel Adams. When she got really ill, I used to take it to bed with me and look at it for hours, concentrating on the huge trees, the still water, the never-ending skies. I suppose it helped me think about something other than what was happening. I learned to focus on one photo at a time rather than flicking from scene to scene in search of something to hold me. If I concentrate, then everything stands still. Although I use them to escape the world, I also think they bring me closer to it. I’ve still got that book. When I take it out, I handle the pages as though they might flake into dust.Mother used to write a journal. When I was small, I sat by her bed in the early mornings on a hard chair and looked at her face as her pen spat out sentences in short bursts. I imagined what she might have been writing about — princesses dressed in star-patterned silk, talking horses, adventures with pirates. More likely she was writing about what she was going to cook for dinner and how irritating Dad’s snoring was.I’ve always wanted to write my own journal, and this is my chance. Maybe my last chance. The idea is that every night for three months, I’ll take one of these heavy sheets of pure white paper, rough under my fingertips, and fill it up on both sides. If my suicide note is nearly a hundred pages long, then no-one can accuse me of not thinking it through. No-one can say, ‘It makes no sense; she was a polite, cheerful girl, had everything to live for,’ before adding that I did keep myself to myself. It’ll all be here. I’m using a silver fountain pen with purple ink. A bit flamboyant for me, I know. I need these idiosyncratic rituals; they hold things in place. Like the way I make tea, squeezing the tea-bag three times, the exact amount of milk, seven stirs. My writing is small and neat; I’m striping the paper. I’m near the bottom of the page now. Only ninety-one more days to go before I’m allowed to make my decision. That’s it for today. It’s begun.

Continue reading here.

Ten top tips to close down creativity

2010-02-08T21:38:00.008Z

Many of the people I work with in organisations are under immense pressure to perform miracles. Too much to be done in the allocated time. Unrealistic understanding of the real work and time involved. Expectations that they should be innovative, inspirational, creative, confident and competent - all of the time.

With the pressure so creativity declines. That's why the Saturday afternoon workshops; Clear Mind. Clear Body as well as the writers' events are so popular.

Stop for a moment to consider how your creativity suffers. Here are some of the ways I get in my own way.

Get too tired. Know that feeling of working late when you should be relaxing and winding down?

Eat sugar. Drink caffeine. How did I get tempted by coffee and a biscuit instead of water and fruit?

Take on extra work. That little word 'no' went missing.

Spend time with energy vampires. Again, I could have said 'no' to that invitation that didn't appeal.

Beat myself up for what I haven't achieved. Why not see the successes?

Compare myself with others. When I know their world is so different to mine.

Worry. About stuff that won't matter later.

Forget to go out and play. How dull is that?

Feel there's no time, so don't get started. Even ten minutes is worth getting started for.

Cut out the clear thinking time. When I know how these moments of space are so important.

I also know how unblock my creativity by turning these situations on their heads. Here's how:

First - Write down how you get in the way of your creativity as I've just done here.

Second - Take each statement in turn, flip it upside down and find the opposite situation.

Third - Identify one thing to do differently.

As an example, my number one of 'Get too tired' flips to 'Get too much rest'. OK, that's unlikely to happen. Yet, one thing I can do differently is to take a lie in or afternoon nap when I feel the tiredness builds. It's really that simple. And it's amazing just how it can feel wonderfully indulgent resting up a bit and how much faster the creativity flows afterwards.

The Safe Haven

2010-02-08T10:34:00.002Z

When my house was built back in the 1920s, it was the fashion to give houses of this kind names like 'Dunroamin' or in our case 'Sunnyhaven.' It was built in an area of woodland where folks came out of London for weekend retreats.

Last week on Saturday, a group of would be book writers came out of town to join the first of this year's Kick-Start writers' workshops. It's a friendly format and a retreat from business life at the weekend. Time to let go of logic and allow the creativity to emerge on the page. When we make the writing fun, it flows and we're surprised at what happens.

One writer sent a thank you email that evening that she had been surprised to write the story she's never written before. 'Thank you for opening your home and providing the sanctuary.'

In my new book, Live Life. Love Work, I write about my belief that we all need a safe place to come home to. How lucky I am to be able to provide that safe space for others, and nurture my own creativity at teh same time. By the Sunday morning after each workshop, I'm buzzing with ideas to drop onto the page from this 'Sunnyhaven.'

Mariangela’s Speedy Apple Cake

2010-01-26T17:19:00.011Z

How is it that Mariangela’s Speedy Apple Cake is such a firm favourite with people who come to my writing workshops and the 'Clear Mind. Clear Body' workshop attendees? Maybe taking time out makes us spoil ourselves. Here's how to make it. The recipe comes from our Italian friend, Mariangela pictured here with hands in pizza dough. She lovingly cooks amazing food for guests at the wonderful Casa Giumentina in Abruzzo where we are holding a small retreat in July. I'll bring back more recipes...or you may like to join us. Let me know. See also the Luscious Lemon Cake post for another fool proof Saturday afternoon recipe.

4 large apples

200 g wholemeal flour
100 g cane sugar
3 tbsp sultanas
1 tbsp pine nuts or crushed walnuts
1/2 cup olive or sunflower oil
1 small tub plain yoghurt
1 egg
Pinch cinnamon
1 lemon + its grated rind
1 sachet (15 g) baking powder

Slice the apple finely, and sprinkle lemon juice on it.
Mix all the other ingredients, adding the baking powder last.
When the texture is creamy, add the apples.
Bake for about 35 minutes at 180 C.

Pretty simple! Let me know how you get on...

The Mexican Fisherman's Tale

2010-01-26T17:13:00.005Z

A few people at the Clear Mind. Clear Body workshop on Saturday asked me for a copy of the Mexican fisherman's tale. Here it is as a reminder of getting clear on what you really want.

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, "only a little while."

The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish?

The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The American then asked, "but what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

"But what then?"

The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions.. Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

Lush hangers on

2009-11-16T17:50:00.004Z

Looking out in the garden today, the juicy colours of Autumn merge with with hangers on from summer. Deep, dark claret geraniums and petunias still flower while the fuschias hang pinky white heads over the pots like stragglers from last night's party, reluctant to say their farewells and sleep.

Lush terracotta pots full of winter pansies hold the tulip bulbs under cover from enquiring squirrels. Piano sounds deepen in the background; the soundtrack in tune with the dripping of rain coming through the kitchen ceiling once more.

Perhaps next Spring, we'll finally fix this roof. Meanwhile it steadily re-assures me that nature will always win over our efforts to get the world in order.

Finding the muse

2009-10-21T10:04:00.004+01:00

Scribble ends and writing really begins when I get in touch with the core of who I am, and relate to the world in a clear, non-judgmental way. Then I find the 'muse', a relationship to explore. It can be an abstract concept like freedom, or specific, tangible objects like the white hollyhock flowers braving out the Autumn weather that I see today from my window.

Last night I listened to some words from the author of 'The Artist's Way' Julia Cameron. It reminded me that creativity is a spiritual pursuit. When we take time for our creative exploration, we get in touch with our 'spirit' and that powerful, broader connection that makes the world a joined up place of similar souls.

Yet how easy it is to feel guilty about taking the creative time out. Julia has three guiding principles, her core tools that permeate her works.
1. Morning pages - where you write three pages of 'stream of consciousness' writing each day. This is relatively easy to do.
2. The Artist's Date - where you take yourself off on a solo, fun date each week. Time with yourself to explore an art gallery, a creative shop to buy sticky gold stars, anything that calls to you. This is where guilt sets in. 'Should I do this?'
3. Walk - a daily walk in the park, garden, beach, nature.

To Julia's ideas I would add my own muses- the discipline of a regular yoga practice, facing the blank mat like the blank page and allowing the movement to come from within. Contact with damp soil in the garden energises me as does the dynamic of the game of tennis.

As you allow yourself creative disciplines, make them personal rituals, so you find your muse.

Fiona's new novel

2009-10-02T23:22:00.001+01:00

Many people I speak to never get round to reading fiction except on holiday, so it's good news that Fiona Robyn is going to blog her next novel, Thaw, starting on the 1st of March next year. The novel follows 32 year old Ruth?s diary over three months as she decides whether or not to carry on living.

To help spread the word she?s organising a Blogsplash, where blogs will publish the first page of Ruth?s diary simultaneously (and a link to the blog).

She?s aiming to get 1000 blogs involved ? if you?d be interested in joining in, email her at fiona@fionarobyn.com

Bid for freedom

2009-08-27T21:42:00.001+01:00

Over the last couple of weeks I've been interviewing dozens of people for the new book: 'Live Life. Love Work.' All,,without exception, have stated the need for space in their lives. However content and motivated with work, they still need gaps to refresh and re-generate in whatever form that takes.

Underneath the most succesful career, there's still a human being that craves personal freedom. Without that space to breathe, I believe that our lives are not sustainable.

Monday morning

2009-08-10T10:20:00.001+01:00

When things are all darting around in my head, if I can take 30 minutes to walk in the woods, they shape up in new ways. How fortunate am I to have a small lake and woodland just around the corner from my home. So in minutes, I can shift from this tapping into my laptop to feeling the soft, peaty forest floor creeping into my walking shoes. There's a timeless quality at the lake which reminds me that I'll be long gone when others are striding out on those paths.

On Monday mornings, with things to do and places to go, it's easy to forget this. Now I go back to work from a contented place.

Reverting to type

2009-08-06T23:41:00.001+01:00

It's been a few weeks since my standing and staring has arrived on the page. The hollyhocks I nurtured were once all shades of ruby and peachy pink. They've gone all white now, in strong contrast to the Stipa Gigantea.

Under pressure, I too revert to type. Once calm and collected, next anxious and snappy. Sorry folks. I like humans to join harmoniously, form connections and have fun - rather like my plants do.

Confidence tips from an Olympic Champion

2009-07-02T10:22:00.000+01:00

Strawberries and Pimms. Boaters and blazers. The entertainment and gazebos on the banks of the River Thames at Henley this week mask the tough challenges of Olympic-level competition.

Over tea with Steve Williams, Captain of the world-renowned Leander Rowing Club and holder of gold medals in the coxless four from the Athens and Beijing Olympics, I learn Steve’s take on building self-confidence.

“The start line is the most powerful place to be. This is where you need to be in control of your confidence,” Steve tells me. Of all the skills to race at this level, he highlights mental resilience as number one.

“The moment when you’re drowning in your thoughts is when you need to make sense of the mess.”

Steve’s journey from school and university teams to the glory of the Olympic honours as part of Team GB is not for the faint-hearted. His graphic tales of the physical pain to all parts of the body, the daily 5.30am alarm calls to a cold boathouse, and just one day off a month from training demonstrate the tough regime.

As much as Steve always desperately wanted and trained extremely hard to become Olympic Champion, he now sees that, in the early years, self doubt was eating away at his confidence and holding him back from achieving his dream. "I could see how Steve Redgrave and Matt Pinsent, with long arms and legs and big heart and lungs were 'born winners' but I'm just a normal guy. Even though it was just tiny, that self doubt was there".

Steve's first Olympic experience was missing out on selection for the Sydney 2000 team and instead he had to go as only a 'travelling spare'. A very painful time even now; Steve's lowest point was also the turning point for his career. He spent the time on the sidelines watching and learning from those that were winning Olympic Golds. "The most important thing I took away from Sydney was that not all Olympic Champions had superhuman physiologies - some were even smaller than me!" Steve came home with the mantra "Even normal people win Gold Medals" and all the barriers were gone. Nothing could stop him now.

Steve’s first major lesson in building his mental resilience was to truly believe in himself. “You need to be able remind yourself of how good you are, your personal best, when it gets really tough.”

Fast forward a few years. Steve was picked and succeeded in Athens (the medal is beautiful). Yet a few years later he realised that self-belief is not enough to continue to win. In the run up to Beijing, the competitors were catching the British team up until by 2007 they were dropping to 4th place in the world. “We could easily have lost all confidence.”

The plan was good; the execution of the plan wasn’t paying enough attention to detail – a second learning in building confidence. So the team re-aligned itself to one big, shared purpose: everything they did was geared to ‘make the boat go faster’. Instead of focusing on the massive end goal of winning at the finish line, the team set smaller milestones and measures until it could consistently race to half-way mark in record time – achieving its personal best of 1000 metres in 2 minutes 47 seconds.

Another key change encouraged all in the team to give positive, critical feedback. “Anything could be said, so long as it focused on our shared purpose – to make the boat go faster.”

Steve says that you can’t afford to have good days and bad days; every day, you need to be ready to receive the medal. By now, the team had bullet-proof confidence at the start of every race. “We focused on our personal best and went out to perform it like any other regular day on the river, the only difference was that, in competition, the stakes were a mile higher.”

Steve’s top tips for building self-confidence that we can all apply are:

Develop your mental resilience through believing in yourself, knowing that you are good enough.
Have a strong plan to win, yet execute it with attention to the smallest details.
Get regular, critical feedback.
Start every day focusing on being the very best you can be.

The Thin Line

2009-06-29T23:32:00.000+01:00

'Intruders Keep Out'. Every home could post a severe warning at its entrance. I'm weeding the front borders of this ancient farmhouse where wild Valerian spills onto the gravel and meshes with tough grass and bramble.

Wearing the owner's gardening gloves, wielding her secateurs, I hack back enthusiastically. Until I'm struck by a deep sense of intrusion. "Is this what she wants?" I ask myself and tread the fine line from helpful to intrusion.

Stepping back to her seat beneath the vine, I sense my job is to cut out damage while keeping the beauty of gentle leaves and deep pink flower heads that frame the doorway to the house.

As temporary custodian of the space, I take the gardener's Hippocratic oath, promising to leave the garden in good health, treat it with respect and encourage it to thrive for years to come.

The Tango Lesson

2009-06-14T20:56:00.000+01:00

Any skill develops with practice; get out of practice and you feel uncomfortable. As your practice develops, you forget the time when it was new and difficult to learn.

The Argentinian tango night at Reading's Canoe Club creates a strange mix of pleasure and pain. Pleasure to see familiar faces and hear the music. Pleasure to be close to the River Thames on a Saturday night, taking the pulse of the river and admiring candlelight from the terrace.

Pain reflects my embarassment and lack of control. Memories of lessons past drift in and out as I pivot clumsily and accept invitations to dance with strangers. The negative voices rise in my head: "You can't remember the steps;" "You could have bought a new dress;" "You're out of your depth." Can I go home yet?

I stop. I turn around and notice the other dancers of all shapes, sizes and ages. Experts encourage newcomers to join the dance regardless of faltering steps and moments of indecision. I remind myself that I have chosen a difficult dance and allow myself to enjoy the learning right now. Skill grows with practice and encouraging teachers: the real tango lesson.

Switching to Plan B

2009-06-02T20:59:00.000+01:00

Like a child let loose on the 'pick and mix' sweet counter, I'm back from the local home-grown plant nursery and the old Peugeot is stuffed with a chaotic array of plants. This time last year, I filled five large terracotta pots with deep red agyranthemums, lime green surfinia petunias, variegated nepeta and felicia. All happily co-existed on the patio through an unpredictable and damp summer.

I had a stylish, winning formula to repeat.

By March, the plan began to go awry: first, the frost-free greenhouse heater cut out and the strident agyranthemums died a black death. Lime green petunia plugs bloomed a lurid fuschia pink - not too tasteful. So I created a neat plant shopping list on Saturday to save the day, and the plan fell apart completely: I was beaten to the nursery by earlier plant hunters.

Instead I returned with blue/black salvias, juicy big begonias, ornamental millet, trailing indian mint and zig zag scaevola to live with the dark trailing geraniums and fushias I've been nuturing.

As I look out on the garden now, they're a happy bunch of companions with the moon shining down - chirpily random and just not what I'd planned. When work is challenging, I tell my clients to have the plan and be willing to adapt to circumstances. After all, the formula worked for Charles Darwin. Now I'm swallowing my medicine to see how it all grows.

From the Cafe at the Water's Edge

2009-05-28T23:23:00.000+01:00

Behind the lumps of jagged rocks, layers of turquoise and petrol blue sea ripple over the stones. Ahead, the low-lying mountains dip into the cool sea. Only with time to sit and stare, do I notice the crocodile shape of the landscape.

In such a place, I grow two hours older without question, simply content to absorb the warmth through every pore of my body. The flower be-decked terrace offers gentle shade. The photo reveals a limited shot. Being here in the moment, I appreciate the patient continuity of the sea in motion, framing the busyness of Greek cooks pitting olives and cherries, the blonde young mother exploring rock pools, hand in hand with her lithe, demanding young son.

An old man rides his motorcycle slowly past, his labrador is attached by rope lead and jogs ahead to ensure its morning exercise.

Hungry business, this, sitting and sipping coffee.

Let them eat cake

2009-05-16T18:49:00.000+01:00

Spattered bits of wholemeal flour and egg adorn the old Cranks cookbook. Page 178 is falling out along with the rest of the old brown pages and we're in danger of losing the Luscious Lemon Cake recipe.

For friends and family, picnics and parties, some recipes need to be handed down. Today it was my monthly writers' workshop and we looked at shifting the words from chaos into order. These writers don't just need space and creative input. Cake fuels the words and helps make delicious connections.

Marie-Antoinette would be pleased: "Let them eat cake!"

For a little batch you need: a 100g butter, 150g sugar, rind and juice of one lemon, 1 egg, 100g of wholemeal self-raising flour. Triple the quantity because one batch is never enough.

Melt the butter and most of the sugar in a pan over gentle heat, stir in lemon rind, whisk the egg and mix it in, fold in the sifted flour, and bake for about 30 mins at 180 or gas mark 4.

Mix the lemon juice and a large spoon or two of sugar in a pan over heat, dribble it over the cake once cooked. (Poke a few holes in the top first.) Eat it before the gannets get it.

Interview with Kate

2009-05-12T17:51:00.001+01:00

I've just been interviewed by my friend Ro Gorell on this writing world. See the video here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxFCfkzA5wg

Honesty

2009-05-03T21:02:00.000+01:00

Honesty (its Latin name is Lunaria) has self seeded right through the dustiest border in the garden, offering a generous flowery white skirt to the new red leaves of the Cotinus Coggyria, the smoke tree. Soon a dark blue clematis will join the party, weaving through the branches.

The honesty came out of nowhere. I didn't consciously plant the seeds.

Watching this 'stuff' happen in the flower beds is like reading Fiona Robyn's new novel 'The Blue Handbag' as it unfolds sentence by sentence. Her book gently records the life of its main character, Leonard, an unassuming gardener mourning the death of his wife Rose. It's a mystery story.

Honesty cannot help but come out bright and white, and I'm anticipating the slow dawning of truth that will appear on the page, as it always does in the end.

Legacy of books and compost

2009-04-26T10:46:00.000+01:00

I adore the feel of rich compost in my hands and feet. Gardening in flip flops beckons as the spring warms up. Living here with light sandy soil means I’m constantly improving that quality and gathering every scrap of fruit and vegetable skins, dead flowers and leaves into buckets by the back door.

I also love books and magazines, reading as much as I can to improve the depth of my own writing. This week a friend recycled a feminist title from 1985 called ‘The Dance of Anger’ by Harriet Goldhor Lerner. The author invites us to examine family patterns of behaviour going back through the generations.

Looking at my own family and friendships, I’m connected to women who find a common language through their gardens, giving and gaining pleasure from this space. I’m also mindful how the women in my life have shaped my own beliefs and behaviours, and the values I am passing on to my own daughters as they fly the family home.

Although, Lerner’s book says it’s a woman’s guide, there’s plenty in her stories of value for the men in my life. In my corporate coaching, for example, I always hear the stories of a father’s words to his son played out in another way. The frustrations of a manager with his colleagues so often stem from the family relationships. Our behaviour has deep rooted experiences.

Like a fluent writer, an enthusiastic gardener creates a legacy for the future generation to build on. Today’s fuchsia rhododendron breaking into flower owes its space here in my garden to an adventurous plant hunter travelling in the 1800s.

Yesterday’s rain combined with this morning’s sun loosens the soil for me to grab the emerging bindweed before it strangles the spinach and rocket seedlings in the veg patch. Yesterday’s apple cores and red pepper seeds will provide the compost to nurture the next generation.

A poem for claiming your space

2009-04-24T15:03:00.000+01:00

Turquoise Moments - a poem

It doesn’t excite me that you have a ‘to do’ list written late last night, that you’re working through dutifully until you can live your life. I want to see you wake up free to face each day, as master of your time.

I don’t want to feel you pushed and pummelled low, made small by others’ power. I want to hear you claim your rightful space and energy allowing it flow free, leaving your own footprints in the wet sand.

It doesn’t interest me when you hold back from resentment, anger or obligation. I want to know that you honestly accept each challenge face on, and ride the downhill bumps with exhilaration in your hair and shouting ‘Yes!’.

I don’t want to find you shattered into pieces, like feathers on the wind, with body and mind out of synch. I need to you to be wholehearted, fresh and healthy. Truly alive in the moment.

It saddens me when you are buffeted relentlessly by every storm. I want you to know you can find a safe haven that you can return to within yourself, time after time, and create the anchor of your being.

I want to know if you can live your life, stand on the edge and fly, not hang around in the shadows. There’s just one of you.

The turquoise moments beckon from the mountain tops. They call you from the depths of the ocean.

Copyright Kate Burton April 2009

Stand by Me

2009-04-20T08:51:00.001+01:00

Some mornings there are just snippets of turquoise moments, short times that make you feel good. I love the international connections that come unexpectedly when the world seems joined up. Here's one such moment that just popped into my email just now, thanks to a French coach who I haven't yet met in person, Tini Korner...

http://www.musicme.com/Playing-For-Change/videos/Stand-By-Me-0888072313071.html

I'd like to dedicate it to one of the attendees on my kick-start writers' workshops: Glenis and the book she's writing called 'Stand By Your Man' which is the tale of supporting her husband through the diagnosis and treatment of prostate cancer.

Who are you standing by and who is standing by you?

Blue diamonds

2009-04-19T18:35:00.000+01:00

Blue Diamond tulips are taking pride of place in the garden this week. While much of the garden appears random, the tulips are deliberate. Last autumn I sifted through varieties I’ve enjoyed in the past and chose the best performer. I ordered a job lot and planted seven large terracotta pots with shades of blue winter pansies and the tulips tucked beneath.

Of all the flowers in the garden, it would be hard not to fall in love with tulips. From the moment they first push through the soil to reveal their sexy heads to the time their petals sag and drop, they have an air of mystery and pleasure. No wonder the Dutch merchants of the 17th century go so mesmerised by them that they bid crazy money for tulip bulbs in their frenzy.

These tulips have an extra poignancy for me. I first chose this variety on the day of a friend’s funeral in the village of Warmond in the Netherlands. As they bloom for the next month, I feel the strength of connection with her and a friendship that began on the first day at university and lasted for 35 years. Such is the power of plants that they connect past, present and future generations.

The writer Paulo Coehlo says that of the thousands of letters he gets from his readers, many of them talk about wanting to be a gardener. That’s no surprise. I well remember days in a corporate office when I’d walk past the gardeners and wish I had their job and not mine. Such is the pull of soil over technology; that much though I love my laptop, the garden would win if forced to make a choice.

All the characters are out here today offering a backdrop to the glamorous and sexy tulips; the bullying Ivy; the sadly deceased Robinia; the sweetly perfumed rounded heads of Virburnum, the blossom of the crab apple; teeny narcissi interspersed with self-seeded stipa tenuissima grasses, deep crimson azaleas and early flowering clematis. Sweet peas are putting down their roots ready to rampage up their supports.

Beneath the surface all the plants display amazing strength and resilience, determined to hold their space and grow up to the light; ready for their moment in the spotlight.